i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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