I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My liver just had a heart attack.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
