oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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