You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
