Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
