i permit you to call me
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
