My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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