Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize