I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize