guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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