I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
