I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize