okay pat passed out under dana's car
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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