Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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