I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
