Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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