that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
