Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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