Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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