man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
