i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
