No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
