I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
