Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
