New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
