just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
