I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
