Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
