I'm really into asian looking animals
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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