Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
