My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
