More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
