you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
