i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
