Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
