peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
