dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
