the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
