It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
