What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
