Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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