just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
