i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
