If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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