I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
