is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
