she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
