I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize