Pappa wants mamma naked
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
