uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
