TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
either way he was missing a nipple.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Randomize
