Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
