SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
