Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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