Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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