all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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