When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
