it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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