is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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