she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
