I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
