Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
