my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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