Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
