Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
