she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
