what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
