This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
